Zhi's Australian Survival Guide: Knives

It seems like only yesterday when Zhi was telling me at the Clipper St. housewarming party that, "The last thing to go .... is the balance." Any now my gigantic Chinese friend is taking his athletic thighs and moving to Australia. Well kids, Australia is a weird place (take it from me, someone who has never been there before), and I don't want Zhi finding himself caught off guard when some Foster's-swilling didgeridoo humper gets in his face when he starts fist-pumping at the club.

At some point I figure we'll have a Crocodile Dundee viewing party where Zhi will be able to absorb most of what he needs to know about his new home country. But clearly knives should be a point of emphasis. From what I can tell, everyone is Aussie carries a knife and a whip, standard issue. Two most important things with knives? Identification and use.

Identification:



(Looks like Zhi will be drinking Mountain Dew for his morning caffeine.)

Use:



Notice how Croc's woman totally creams her jeans after that knife display. However, it is important to remember that she is an ignorant Yank who has no idea what the fuck she just saw. Australian babes expect this level of knifemanship at a minimum. It is not as easy as it looks.

Good luck Zhi! Go buy a huge knife.