In-N-Out

Carmina executes a fairly efficient kick to the groin of my In-N-Out Burger doubting. (Cheese-steaks ain't from Pittsburgh, bitch)! Tommy briefly takes a break from showing pictures of himself to make what I can only assume counts as a valid point at Berkley. I am left holding the limp, lifeless body of my previous post.

With that said, I stand by my lukewarm feelings for In-N-Out. While I don't hate it (and never said I did) I just don't think it's that much better than some of its alternatives. It ain't gourmet. It's fast food, and when you get down to it, that shit is pretty much all the same. There are some that taste better than others, but the difference isn't that extreme. It's likely that if you find one fast food burger tasty you probably find them all at least somewhat delicious because they're all essentially cut from the same mold.

However, I totally get why Carmina defends In-N-Out the way she does. If someone told me Krispy Kreme was the same or better than Dunkin' Donuts, that person would be shived. I know full well that they're pretty much the same. And Krispy Kreme does some things better than Dunkin' Donuts. But I will never like Krispy Kreme as much as Dunkin' Donuts. You know why? Because Krispy Kreme wasn't open at 1 am when I was too high to stand, and needed a dozen donuts to stay conscious. And Krispy Kreme didn't exist in Pittsburgh the night I stuck and killed that homeless man with my car, and needed some coffee and donuts for the 5 hour drive to and from Lake Erie where I disposed of his corpse. The sentimental value of a place wrought from years of memories with friends and family and heinous acts against humanity is powerful, and cannot be touched.

Alas, I still don't see why In-N-Out is so against bacon. I bet if they put bacon on their menu I'd like it there a lot more. And then, Carmina and I could be friends again.

Bacon up That Inventory, ctd.

Amazingly, there is some debate regarding the bacon burger and its place atop the burger chain.

CKG:

Good points, but I'm going to have to go ahead and disagree with you a little. As delicious as bacon is, it's a very strong flavor, and there are some rare occasions where it will clash with the overall harmony of the burger. I'm thinking especially of mushroom-themed burgers, and maybe types of onion-topped burgers (sauteed or fried onions).

There is, however, no reason whatsoever to get a burger without cheese. That's just fucking stupid.

The problem here is that these mushroom and onion themed burgers CKG speaks of are not nearly as good as the bacon burger. I can't imagine eating enough bacon burgers to say to myself, "You know something? I'm sick of bacon burgers. Better switch it up with this vastly inferior other kind of burger." It's like saying, "Ice cream in a waffle cone is pretty much unbeatable, but just for shits I'll go with the sugar cone this time."

Carmina:

have you considered the secret spread (read: thousand island dressing)at in-n-out? I would say that sauce (read: crack) does not need cheese or bacon (which they don't offer at in-n-out n-e-way).

Thousand island is delicious. No one denies this. But I would prefer ketchup, barbecue sauce or ranch on my burger, because 1) they taste great on a burger, and 2) they nicely compliment bacon. You see, I'm about building around the bacon as opposed to building around the beef.

And for the record, I don't get the In-N-Out fascination. When I moved here I couldn't wait to taste In-N-Out. I used to see all sorts of Hollywood fucks like Ashton Kutcher with his In-N-Out bags and figured it had to be unbeatable. However, it is very beatable for many reasons, not the least of which Carmina mentioned above. They don't offer bacon. But beyond that, it just isn't any more delicious than any other fast-food burger. In fact, it might actually be inferior to Burger King. And between the latent biblical messages and the secret menu items, I find myself increasingly frustrated with their presumption of awesomeness. Just put your products on a big board above the cash registers like everyone else, okay? Don't make me feel like a dick because I don't know that I can get a burger "Flying Dutchman Animal Style." And if I want my subconscious to be attacked by hidden biblical references, I've got Tim Tebow

And for fuck's sake, offer bacon.

Bacon up That Inventory

I had a delicious burger for lunch today. Naturally, it had bacon and cheese on it. A couple of weeks ago at work, someone had a burger that did not have bacon or cheese on it. I almost screamed. What in the hell was this man thinking? I tried to ask him but the words would not come out, I was so affronted. I really can't understand why someone would eat a burger without bacon and cheese. Every single place in America that serves burgers serves some sort of burger that has bacon and cheese on it. And that burger is always (always) superior to the burger without bacon and cheese. And don't even get me started on what barbecue sauce can do for a burger. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. That's delicious.

So as I was enjoying my bacon-and-cheese-burger, I started thinking about bacon, and just how fucking much I eat it. I took inventory of my last 18 meals (as far back as I can definitively remember), and I realized that 12 of them have featured bacon!

I was wondering why I was in such a good mood recently.