Toto

Did you know the song "Africa" by Toto has an official video? It does! And it is completely fucking bewildering.



Absolutely stunning.

Pansy girls: would you have embraced this as your unofficial song if you had seen this video first?

Marc's New Side Job?

Writing headlines for the Weather Channel?

Going Dark

Because NBC hates me and everyone else on the west coast who likes hockey, I am forced to watch this afternoon's USA v. SUI game, which takes place at 12 PST, on tape delay at 3 PST, which will not-so-conveniently bleed into the CAN v. RUS game at 430 PST. Watching live sporting events on tape delay BLOWS. You spend most of the day trying to avoid any outlet where you might come across the score of the game. It's a nightmare. And even if you somehow manage to avoid knowing the score of the event you are watching, it is far less dramatic watching it delayed. 

So at noon PST I'm totally shutting down. No TV, internet, phone, and as little human interaction as possible until after I catch up live to the CAN v. RUS game. If you are ill and in need of assistance, do not attempt to contact me.

Suck it, Hosers

Yesterday was sick. USA ruled. I don't know if we can beat the Canadians again but for this week it doesn't matter.

The thing about this win that has been the most fun for me is hearing sports talk radio bros try to talk hockey. Some of the things I have heard today:

. "And when Rafalski beat Brodeur ... I think it was pad side...?
      
. "The greatest hockey game ever played on North American soil."

. "Miller had a few huge saves ... like remember that one he had with the big arm pad thing where he holds the stick?"

. "I don't know if the ice was just faster up there or what. I mean, it is Canada, after all. I assume it has to be easier to make ice there than down here."  -- this dude was DEAD ass serious.

. "Incredible stick-eye coordination ..."

. Some dude consistently saying that Canada had the puck " ... inside USA's red zone most of the game ..."

Incredible.

This pic of Brooksy crushing Sid makes my head want to explode:

This Post Has Nothing To Do With Curling

I have long been unhappy with books. Actually, it's more that I have been unhappy with reading books. I like books. I like all the books I have from college. I like the books I have from before college. I like that I have them. I like to look at them. I like the thought of one day having a library and all these books I've traveled around the country with will have a permanent home, and I will be able to admire them and give them to other people to read. I like the idea of my kids being surrounded by books. But more often than not when I go to read one of my books I am quickly overwhelmed by the thought of consuming that many pages, and I give up.

When I was in college deciding on a major, I wanted desperately to do something I liked. I had a few friends who had decided to get into computer science because the money was good. Some did business for the same reason, or they were bored and business seemed easy and open-ended. Some did pre-med or pre-law because their parents demanded they become doctors or lawyers. I picked English (and later Education on the advice of my father -- "I have known quite a few English majors, actually. They all used to wait tables for me at the Olive Garden.") because I loved to read and write. This made total sense to me. 

By the time I left college I developed an allergy to reading any piece of writing longer than forty pages. All I did for five years was read. I estimate I read two books per week for five years. This is a lot of books, but there are definitely people out there who read this many books on a regular basis. I figured out after college that sometimes you should not always make what you love your craft, because once it becomes something you must do it takes on a whole new complexion. I worry that one day I will wake up and despise golf now that I am a golf pro. 

So the other day Carmina posted about Chris Jones' profile of Roger Ebert in Esquire. I finally read this a couple days ago and it was INCREDIBLE. I could give two shits less about Roger Ebert but I was gripped the whole way through. It was just amazing writing. Immediately after reading that I came upon Conor Friedersdorf's list of his favorite journalism of 2008 and 2009. So far I've read three stories and each one has been brilliant. This is encouraging for me because these mofos are LONG and I've really enjoyed reading all of them. Hopefully these massive pieces will ease me into reading novels again.

(The three stories I read can be found here, here, and here.)

Super Bowl Prop Bets!

I wasted $20 from my Bodog account to place insane wagers on all manner of unpredictable things to happen (or not) during the game. I put $1 on each of these 20:

Colts (-5) over Saints: I would be shocked and appalled (but happy!) if the Saints won this game

Team offense to cross the 50 yard line first in the game
Wager is official once either team offense crosses the 50 yard line. Punt / Kickoff / Fumble / Interception Return does not count towards wager
Colts (-130)


How many yards will the first field goal of the game be?
37-43 (7/2)


What will be the result of the first coaches challenge of the game?
Play Stands (-115)


The last score of the game will be
Field Goal or Safety (+160)


Total quarterback sacks made in the game by both teams
Over 3.5 (+220)
I feel like the Saints will be doing everything humanly possible to get to Pey Pey. They gotta get at least a couple. And Drew Teeth Brees will do soemthing stupid and get his ass sacked.

Will there be a lead change in the second half?
Yes (+150)
God I hope so

Will there be a missed extra point after touchdown?
Yes (+1000)
There was no way I could pass this up. What a line. Also, this is another reason why athletes get paid like they do. Can you imagine if these guys made what truck drivers make and this line appeared in a sportsbook? Throw a quick $2500 on this and BAM! How could they not conspire to miss an extra point?

In which quarter will the Saints score the most points?
3rd (57/20)
I like this one cause the line is 57/20) if it were bumped up to 3/1 I would have never bet it.

Will the Colts score in every quarter?
Yes (+125)
This seems like easy money ($.25!)

The largest lead of the game by either team will be
Under 15.5 (-140)
This is more me hoping for a good game than anything.

Double Result: Overtime does not count towards wager
Tie - Colts (16/1)
So for me to win this the game must be tied at halftime and the Colts have to be leading at the end of the fourth quarter. There is absolutely no way this happens.

Will the game total be odd or even?
Even (+110)
The money line for "odd" was like -125 or some shit. Is it really more mathematically likely that any game will end with an odd total number of points than even? I don't get it.

Odds to win MVP
Austin Collie (20/1)
I like the cut of this fellow's jib, I guess

****THINGS THAT HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH FOOTBALL****

How long will it take Carrie Underwood to sing the National Anthem?
Over 1:42 (+135)
I know nothing about this woman, but I feel confident she will sing the shit out of every note in order to squeeze as much time out of this appearance as possible. I wonder if she is allowed to wager on this?

What will be the result of the coin toss?
Tails (-105)
Never fails, bro.

What color will the Gatorade be that is dumped on the Head Coach of the winning team?
Lime Green (8/1)
Have you ever even seem lime green Gatorade? Isn't lime flavored Gatorade yellow? This is a horrible bet.

How many times will CBS announcers fully mention Hurricane Katrina during the game?
Wager is on the number of times announcers specifically say "Hurricane Katrina" during the game (from kickoff to final whistle).
Over 2.5 (-150)
I wish there was a way I could put one million dollars on this.

How many times will Pete Townshend do his legendary windmill move?
Windmill move must be a full 360 degree revolution and be shown on TV to be counted for this wager
Under 5.5 (+160)
Pete Townshend is 64. There is absolutely no chance he can successfully execute six "full 360 degree revolutions" on a 64 year-old shoulder.

Will they show a replay of Tom Benson celebrating the missed field goal against Tampa Bay from the regular season?
Replay must be shown after the kickoff and before final whistle for "yes" to be graded the winner.
Yes (+275)
This is my favorite highlight from the entire season. Too good to not show.

GO SUPERBOWL WIN TEAMS YEA!