The Face of a Tiger.. and the Body.. of a Tiger

I was thinking about how everyone has been just crushing Tiger Woods, and I think it is totally warranted. Dude cheated on his wife AND two kids (the kids part is what really gets me) and created a fake persona to sell an image and make a shitload of cash. Deserves to get crushed.

He spent some amount of time in a rehab clinic for what he claims to be an addiction to sex. I don't have any experience with this so I can only take his word for it and presume he's not dicking us all around again (although this is definitely a possibility).

So if he actually does have some sort of sex addiction that requires rehabilitation, shouldn't his problem be treated with a little more civility? If the details of what happened Thanksgiving night revealed that Tiger was an alcoholic, wouldn't the public generally have empathy toward him? If sex addiction is a real disease on par with alcoholism, shouldn't we feel kinda bad for him and not gawk at every juicy scandalous detail that emerges about the depths of his depravity?

Tampa Bay 2 - Pens 0

On a scale of one to five nearly vomiting labs, I give this game

A perfect score of five nearly vomiting labs.

Internet Odyssey

Pandora plays Palo Alto by Radiohead. So clearly, I

. Google "Palo Alto Radiohead"

. Go to Wiki page on Palo Alto by Radiohead

. Go to Wiki page for Radiohead Discography

. Go to Wiki page for Hail to the Theif

     . See they play something called an Ondes Martenot on that album.

. Go to Wiki page for Ondes Martenot

. embiggen Ondes Martenot picture because wtf thing looks crazy

. Google Ondes Martenot

. Watch Youtube of dude playing Ondes Martenot

. See "Legend of Zelda Theme Played on Theremin" in the related videos

. Watch the shit out of that

. See "Clair de Lune played on Theremin"

. Watch the shit out of that, too

. Google "Time signature Clair de Lune"

It all happens so quickly, man. If I hadn't snapped out of it reading some piano message board about how to play Clair de Lune I don't know what would have happened to me. Is there a term for getting sucked into the internet this? I think it happens to people a lot. 

Best Photoshop Ever?

Best Photoshop Ever.

Tits in your Eye!

Watchin Devils v. Sharks here and that commercial for The Ladders comes on where the dudes are trying to play tennis and everyone comes rushing onto the court. Seen this commercial a million times. Never noticed before but the dude serving get some tits right in his eye!

Good work bro. Way to get some tits in your eye.

Zhi's Australian Survival Guide: Knives

It seems like only yesterday when Zhi was telling me at the Clipper St. housewarming party that, "The last thing to go .... is the balance." Any now my gigantic Chinese friend is taking his athletic thighs and moving to Australia. Well kids, Australia is a weird place (take it from me, someone who has never been there before), and I don't want Zhi finding himself caught off guard when some Foster's-swilling didgeridoo humper gets in his face when he starts fist-pumping at the club.

At some point I figure we'll have a Crocodile Dundee viewing party where Zhi will be able to absorb most of what he needs to know about his new home country. But clearly knives should be a point of emphasis. From what I can tell, everyone is Aussie carries a knife and a whip, standard issue. Two most important things with knives? Identification and use.

Identification:



(Looks like Zhi will be drinking Mountain Dew for his morning caffeine.)

Use:



Notice how Croc's woman totally creams her jeans after that knife display. However, it is important to remember that she is an ignorant Yank who has no idea what the fuck she just saw. Australian babes expect this level of knifemanship at a minimum. It is not as easy as it looks.

Good luck Zhi! Go buy a huge knife.