Looking for a Feed of the Sharks/Canucks Game

And within two clicks came upon this website. For whatever reason this spammy broken English still makes me laugh. Example:

Vancouver Canucks vs San Jose Sharks Live : San jOse is of return in the end of conference of the season by second consecutive year and third time in its history, but first victory in this round is looking for his. The Sharks were sweepings by Chicago Blackhawks of the past season and lost to Calgary in six parties in 2004 

-. Vancouver is of return in the end of conference for the second time and the first time from 1994, when it reached the end of the Stanley Glass before losing before the Rangers. The Canucks and the sharks are not known in playoffs. Equipment of Reach: Sharks - the arrived one up to here after wasting an advantage of the series by 3-0 before Detroit in the semifinals of the Conference to only gain Game 7 to 38 thanks saves by Antti Niemi doorman and the goal of the victory outside wood Patrick Marleau is. Marleau did not register a point in the first six parties and two periods against the Network Wings, but its objective 12:13 in the third period was the difference in Game 7. Niemi, one season like champion of the Glass for the last time the Blackhawks "

This is nearly indecipherable. But the best part is the stuff that is decipherable is only fifty percent correct.

Never change, Internet.

I do not Want Your Facebook Spam

Look man. We are Facebook friends because I knew you in high school. Had some classes together I guess. I do not remember. You sent me a Facebook request, I said whatev and clicked yes.

We never hung out. Never even sat at the same lunch table. If I saw you today, in a bar for instance, and you bought me a drink, I would have to ask the bartender if he knew who you were, because without looking at your Facebook page I can not remember what you looked like. I do not need to get these from you.

I appreciate that you are trying to get people to go to your fundraisers. But I do not live in Pittsburgh, so I cannot go. You really should look at my Facebook profile more often, since we are friends and all. If you did you would realize that I do not live in Pittsburgh so I will not be able to make it to your fundraiser. Sorry.

Also, you have lots of fundraisers. You seem like a great guy. Did you do fundraisers in high school? I do not remember if you did or not because we were not very good friends. Either way, I do not need three notifications per fundraiser.

Say, what is 3rd Earth Fireproof anyway? Some kind of global-warming advocacy group? Oh wait! It's a clothing company for fucking firedancers. Awesome. This is a really great thing here. Where do I send checks?

You are blocked

I do not Want Your Facebook Spam

Look man. We are Facebook friends because I knew you in high school. Had some classes together I guess. I don't remember.You sent me a Facebook request, I said whatev and clicked yes.

We never hung out. Never even sat at the same lunch table. If I saw you today, in a bar let's say, and you bought me a drink, I would have to ask the bartender if he knew who you were, because without looking at your Facebook page I can't remember what you looked like. I don't need to get these from you.

I appreciate that you are trying to get people to go to your fundraisers. But I don't live in Pittsburgh, so I cannot go. You should really look at my Facebook profile more often, since we're friends and all. If you did you would realize that I don't live in Pittsburgh, so I won't be able to make it to your fundraiser. Sorry.

Also, you have lots of fundraisers. You seem like a great guy. Did you do fundraisers in high school? I don't remember if you did or not because we really weren't very good friends. Either way, I do not need three notifications per fundraiser.

Say, what is 3rd Earth Fireproof anyway? Some kind of global-warming advocacy group? Oh wait! It's a clothing company for fucking firedancers. Awesome. This is a really great thing here. Where do I send checks?

You are blocked.

Trust me, I'm an Expert

You might not want to read this. Especially if you are at work.

Twitter? I Barely Knew Her

After my last tweet (third lifetime tweet), Dallas Cowboys offensive tackle Marc Colombo decided he wanted to follow me on Twitter. Is this something that happens? My tweet said,

"last night i dreamt i went to a secret pizza party with aaron rodgers"

Why did Marc Colombo read this tweet? And why did he decide to start following me? Please help me understand Twitter before I start a Twitter war with Marc Colombo in which I bash his shitty team and his UNFORGIVABLY shitty heavy metal band, Free Reign.

And Now for Some Photos!

Here we have Carmina's fake hockey boyfriend taking in a Knicks game at MSG with one of the Olsen Twins Justin "Beebz" Bieber. This was a bad idea, Henrik. 

Now feast your eyes upon Kurt Warner sporting one of the most spectacular JC/phallic graphic tees we have seen in recent memory. Is that a fighter jet banking hard and up on the far right? Maybe that's how Jesus got to heaven. In an F-22A Raptor.  

There was a Man at the Gym Today who Smelled Like a Meatball Sandwich

And I learned something. I like meatball sandwiches. I like the smell of meatball sandwiches. But as it turns out, I really hate the smell of a person who smells like a meatball sandwich. If I had closed my eyes and not known that the meatball sandwich smell was coming from a person, I would have loved it. But the second I realized it was coming from a person, I was instantaneously nauseated.

To make matters worse, Meatball Sandwich Man had the industrial-power fan cranked up to eleven blowing his meatball odor all over the gym.

San Francisco

Sometimes I feel like everyone I see in this city is in a contest to see who can dress the stupidest.

Jack LaLanne was the Man

"I did have some ball-busters," Jack said, referring to signature exercises such as the killer, the eraser, the gooser, the gut-butt-getter, and dozens of others. "Now, you listen to some of these so-called sports-medicine experts today--shit! It's just shtick. It's just something else to sell. Warming up," he scoffed, adjusting a red ascot fitted neatly into his jumpsuit, "warming up is the biggest bunch of horseshit I've ever heard in my life. Fifteen minutes to warm up! Does a lion warm up when he's hungry? 'Uh-oh, here comes an antelope. Better warm up.' No! He just goes out and eats the sucker. You gotta get the blood circulating, but shit, does the lion cool down? No, he eats the sucker and goes to sleep. And that," he concluded, folding his arms into a variation of the pose, "is the truth."

"Jack," I ventured, "did you invent the jumping jack? Is that you?"

"I'm not completely sure on that one," he said thoughtfully. "But I think so."

I never really knew anything about this dude until I read this article. It's worth your time. This man was out of control. 

Championship Weekend

To my surprise, I have been asked by no fewer than ten people who I think will win the games this weekend. These people seem to actually value my thoughts. No clue why. I'm guessing it's because they all know how much I like the Steelers and they want to see how much of a homer I am or something. Anyway.

Packers over Bears, because Jay Cutler kind of sucks and nobody seems to remember that. They barely beat the Lions twice, and got smacked around by the Seahawks (regular season) and Redskins (!). Easily the worst 11-5 team in the past 300 years.

But they beat the Packers at home already this season!

Is true. And this was also one of the worst games the Packers played all season. Check out the stats. The Bears earned 13 first downs on their own, and were awarded 5 by penalty. In fact, the Packers racked up 152 penalty yards in that game. And they turned the ball over twice. And they let Devin Hester run back a punt for a touchdown. I don't remember watching that game, but it looks to me like the Packers beat themselves more than anything. And Jay Cutler is just DYING to turn the ball over four times.

Because I am a pussy, I will not predict the Steelers-Jets game. Not gonna do it. I will only say that if the Steelers allow a special teams touchdown they will lose. And the winner of this game will have at least one key player suffer a concussion and miss the Super Bowl because he won't pass any of the tests, leading to a huge controversy.