Twitter? I Barely Knew Her

After my last tweet (third lifetime tweet), Dallas Cowboys offensive tackle Marc Colombo decided he wanted to follow me on Twitter. Is this something that happens? My tweet said,

"last night i dreamt i went to a secret pizza party with aaron rodgers"

Why did Marc Colombo read this tweet? And why did he decide to start following me? Please help me understand Twitter before I start a Twitter war with Marc Colombo in which I bash his shitty team and his UNFORGIVABLY shitty heavy metal band, Free Reign.

And Now for Some Photos!

Here we have Carmina's fake hockey boyfriend taking in a Knicks game at MSG with one of the Olsen Twins Justin "Beebz" Bieber. This was a bad idea, Henrik. 

Now feast your eyes upon Kurt Warner sporting one of the most spectacular JC/phallic graphic tees we have seen in recent memory. Is that a fighter jet banking hard and up on the far right? Maybe that's how Jesus got to heaven. In an F-22A Raptor.  

Championship Weekend

To my surprise, I have been asked by no fewer than ten people who I think will win the games this weekend. These people seem to actually value my thoughts. No clue why. I'm guessing it's because they all know how much I like the Steelers and they want to see how much of a homer I am or something. Anyway.

Packers over Bears, because Jay Cutler kind of sucks and nobody seems to remember that. They barely beat the Lions twice, and got smacked around by the Seahawks (regular season) and Redskins (!). Easily the worst 11-5 team in the past 300 years.

But they beat the Packers at home already this season!

Is true. And this was also one of the worst games the Packers played all season. Check out the stats. The Bears earned 13 first downs on their own, and were awarded 5 by penalty. In fact, the Packers racked up 152 penalty yards in that game. And they turned the ball over twice. And they let Devin Hester run back a punt for a touchdown. I don't remember watching that game, but it looks to me like the Packers beat themselves more than anything. And Jay Cutler is just DYING to turn the ball over four times.

Because I am a pussy, I will not predict the Steelers-Jets game. Not gonna do it. I will only say that if the Steelers allow a special teams touchdown they will lose. And the winner of this game will have at least one key player suffer a concussion and miss the Super Bowl because he won't pass any of the tests, leading to a huge controversy.

Tone Coming to Town

Rex Ryan says when Santonio Holmes is called upon to do something awesome it is called "Tone Time." With Brad Smith, the Jets' usual punt returner, nursing a sore groin, I can't help but have visions of Number Ten in green and white streaking down the sidelines taking advantage of the Steelers' miserable special teams coverage at a crucial point in next week's game. 

But I'm more excited for LaDanian to visit the Steel City. Hopefully he'll autograph my copy of his hit CD, featuring this work of art directed by the guy who invented Geocities.

I don't like that call. Not a very good call. 

Web(b) of History

While watching Joe Webb absolutely crush it the other night against the Eagles, Carmina and I compiled a brief list of other impressive Web(b)s throughout history.

• Spud Webb
• Jim Webb
• Webster Slaughter
• Webster's Dictionary
• World Wide Web
• W.E.B. Dubois

I think that's pretty much it. Joe Webb could go down as the greatest Webb ever.

Special Teams Ride the Short Bus as Steelers Fall to Jets 22-17

The Steelers lost to the Jets at home, who last week lost to the Dolphins at home, whom the Steelers beat in week 7, but who lost to the Bills* at home today. What does this mean? What does your face mean?

The Steelers had a pretty nice opportunity to take care of the Jets and the Panthers over the course of 5 days and lock up a first-round bye and give themselves a nice 24 day stretch where they wouldn't have to worry about playing any meaningful games and Ben and Troy and Heath and whomever else could get healthy. But they blew this opportunity by spotting the Jets seven points, taking three penalties of Bengals-level stupidity, and suffering an epic, boner-killing safety late in the fourth quarter (Why is Mewelde Moore the running back on that play instead of Mendenhall? WHY, BRUCE?).

Now the Steelers REALLY have to try hard against the Panthers on Thursday night (at the exact same time the Pens play the Capitals, btw). Hopefully their special teams play today was just an aberration and this isn't the start of them reverting back to their 2009 form where poor tackling and generally shitty coverage lead to several crippling touchdowns and losses to the Browns.

The defense really isn't the same without Troy. CBS flashed some graphic in the first quarter of today's game listing the Steelers' record with and without Polamalu. I forget the numbers but that shit was frightening. They just do not win without that dude.  Make sure you ask Santa for a healthy Polamalu this Christmas.

I'm not too down on the defense though. They only allowed 13 points. One touchdown. And that was aided hugely by Ryan Clark's patented Human Missle Unnecessary Roughness Penalty (good at least once per game!), turning a 15 yard gain into a 30 yard gain. And even then the Jets had to win their gamble on 4th down and 1 from the 7 to get the touchdown. The Jets scored 9 points on Defense and Special Teams. Just can't let that happen. Especially against good teams.

Finally, Big Ben is a fucking beast. What do you think was going through Santonio's mind as he sees Ben leading his team down the field in the waining seconds of the game? Ben's fumble on 2nd and 10 from his own 41 was a real crusher. Cost them 14 yards, 10 seconds, a down, and a timeout. Brutal. But that was an unreal drive. Great game all around from My Favorite Accused Rapist of All Time (MFARAT).




*Have you looked at the Bills schedule? Freaking impossible.

Frank Gore Breaks Hip, Will Miss Rest of 2010 Season

San Francisco 49ers running back Frank Gore suffered a broken hip in San Francisco's 27-6 thrashing of division rival Arizona Cardinals Monday night. Gore was hurt during San Francisco's first offensive possession of the game. After briefly returning later in the game, Gore left for good and veteran backup Brian Westbrook took over. Gore was unavailable for comment following the game. He was seen leaving University of Phoenix Stadium aided by a cane.

dramatization - artist rendering

The Football

Because I am a giant nerd when it comes to football season, I have decided to start a football blog. Because, you know, this blog is so popular that I'd hate to alienate my massive readership by subjecting them to post after post of football talk. So I've decided to park all of my football related nonsense at http://www.footballpr0n.blogspot.com/.

It's just way too easy to post stuff on the internet.