Tone Coming to Town

Rex Ryan says when Santonio Holmes is called upon to do something awesome it is called "Tone Time." With Brad Smith, the Jets' usual punt returner, nursing a sore groin, I can't help but have visions of Number Ten in green and white streaking down the sidelines taking advantage of the Steelers' miserable special teams coverage at a crucial point in next week's game. 

But I'm more excited for LaDanian to visit the Steel City. Hopefully he'll autograph my copy of his hit CD, featuring this work of art directed by the guy who invented Geocities.

I don't like that call. Not a very good call. 

Web(b) of History

While watching Joe Webb absolutely crush it the other night against the Eagles, Carmina and I compiled a brief list of other impressive Web(b)s throughout history.

• Spud Webb
• Jim Webb
• Webster Slaughter
• Webster's Dictionary
• World Wide Web
• W.E.B. Dubois

I think that's pretty much it. Joe Webb could go down as the greatest Webb ever.

Special Teams Ride the Short Bus as Steelers Fall to Jets 22-17

The Steelers lost to the Jets at home, who last week lost to the Dolphins at home, whom the Steelers beat in week 7, but who lost to the Bills* at home today. What does this mean? What does your face mean?

The Steelers had a pretty nice opportunity to take care of the Jets and the Panthers over the course of 5 days and lock up a first-round bye and give themselves a nice 24 day stretch where they wouldn't have to worry about playing any meaningful games and Ben and Troy and Heath and whomever else could get healthy. But they blew this opportunity by spotting the Jets seven points, taking three penalties of Bengals-level stupidity, and suffering an epic, boner-killing safety late in the fourth quarter (Why is Mewelde Moore the running back on that play instead of Mendenhall? WHY, BRUCE?).

Now the Steelers REALLY have to try hard against the Panthers on Thursday night (at the exact same time the Pens play the Capitals, btw). Hopefully their special teams play today was just an aberration and this isn't the start of them reverting back to their 2009 form where poor tackling and generally shitty coverage lead to several crippling touchdowns and losses to the Browns.

The defense really isn't the same without Troy. CBS flashed some graphic in the first quarter of today's game listing the Steelers' record with and without Polamalu. I forget the numbers but that shit was frightening. They just do not win without that dude.  Make sure you ask Santa for a healthy Polamalu this Christmas.

I'm not too down on the defense though. They only allowed 13 points. One touchdown. And that was aided hugely by Ryan Clark's patented Human Missle Unnecessary Roughness Penalty (good at least once per game!), turning a 15 yard gain into a 30 yard gain. And even then the Jets had to win their gamble on 4th down and 1 from the 7 to get the touchdown. The Jets scored 9 points on Defense and Special Teams. Just can't let that happen. Especially against good teams.

Finally, Big Ben is a fucking beast. What do you think was going through Santonio's mind as he sees Ben leading his team down the field in the waining seconds of the game? Ben's fumble on 2nd and 10 from his own 41 was a real crusher. Cost them 14 yards, 10 seconds, a down, and a timeout. Brutal. But that was an unreal drive. Great game all around from My Favorite Accused Rapist of All Time (MFARAT).




*Have you looked at the Bills schedule? Freaking impossible.

VANESSA! VANESSA!

Crosby Sucks

Frank Gore Breaks Hip, Will Miss Rest of 2010 Season

San Francisco 49ers running back Frank Gore suffered a broken hip in San Francisco's 27-6 thrashing of division rival Arizona Cardinals Monday night. Gore was hurt during San Francisco's first offensive possession of the game. After briefly returning later in the game, Gore left for good and veteran backup Brian Westbrook took over. Gore was unavailable for comment following the game. He was seen leaving University of Phoenix Stadium aided by a cane.

dramatization - artist rendering

CROSS

Game Ball: The Sepulverizer

Would you, Steeler fan, recognize this man if you saw him at Silky's? 

5 touches, 254 yards, and he's buried at the bottom of your boxscore. He is not on anybody's fantasy team (unless your league sucks and has punters). There was not a single person in Heinz field yesterday who was wearing a jersey with his name and number on it. That's because he's some punkass punter. But Daniel "The Sepulverizer" Sepulveda gets my imaginary game ball for his performance in the Steelers15-6 victory over Matt "The Anointed One" Ryan and the Atlanta Falcons.

You never notice a punter until he shanks one out of play at the most critical moment of a game. Kind of like how Mitch Berger did every game of the 2008 season. Yesterday Sepulveda was everything Mitch Berger (41.3 yards per punt in 2008) never was. 5 punts at an average of over 50 yards per punt. The Steelers had three consecutive three-and-outs after their opening drive. Sepulveda had to kick from his own 19 twice, and 25 once. Each kick went over 50 yards, with one going 55. Kicks like that helped the Steelers stay in the field position battle which ultimately kept the Falcons off the scoreboard.  His other two punts came from his own 17 and 25 again. 

So good on you, Daniel Sepulveda. I hope you got laid last night. 

Joe Flacco

Football starts Thursday, so everyone who has access to the internet is publishing predictions for everything from who will win the Super Bowl to who will win the NFC defensive rookie of the year or some shit. Every year I read NFL predictions I say I'm going to keep track of what all the experts predicted then review their picks when the season is over to see just how accurate they are. I never do this. Except this year, for this one prediction that everyone is making that is driving me insane. 

The Ravens making or winning the Super Bowl because Joe Flacco is just so great he is going to take over the league.

3 of nfl.com's 7 experts have the Ravens making the Super Bowl. One dude says they are going to win it. 4 of espn.com's 16 experts have the Ravens winning the Super Bowl. One of them has Joe Flacco as MVP of the league this year. 

John Clayton ranked all the QBs in the NFL. About Flacco, he says:  

JOHN CLAYTON QB RANKING (12): In two seasons, Joe Flacco has passed for 6,584 yards and has guided Baltimore to three road playoff victories.

Joe Flacco's stats in those three wins:

2008 @ Miami: 9 for 23, 135 yds, 0 TD 0 INT 

2008 @ Tennessee: 11 for 22, 161 yds, 1 TD 0 INT

2009 @ New England: 4 for 10, 34 yds, 0 TD 1 INT

For the record, his stats in his two playoff losses:

2008 @ Pittsburgh: 13 for 30, 141 yds, 0 TD, 3 INT

2009 @ Indianapolis: 20 for 35, 189 yds, 0 TD, 2 INT

It seems that the Ravens have won in the post season in spite of Flacco, not due to his leadership. He has proven to be a solid regular season QB, but sometimes good regular season players struggle with the pressure of the post season. Maybe he'll turn it around this year, or maybe the loss of Ed Reed and Ray Lewis getting old (he's 35 now) will be too much for them to deal with and they won't even make the playoffs.

Anyway. I hate Joe Flacco.

Heat Wave!

Today

As I sit in my apartment, which doesn't have air conditioning, because usually nobody needs air conditioning ever in San Francisco, I realize that I have become a total pansy when it comes to extreme weather. And by "extreme" I mean "colder than 45, warmer than 75." So seeing my car register 100 today made me just about poop my pants with fear.

I used to be impervious to extreme weather. -10 in January. 98 in June. No big deal. Three years in San Francisco and now I can't handle a little heat.